Life can really be hard sometimes. I haven't written anything here in a few months as I didn't really think anyone was reading. But now I just need to write some things down. I swear, if 2007 is even half the year 2006 has been, I'm punting!
Right now I'm going through a divorce. Someone once said going through a divorce is like walking through Hell. He was wrong. It's like wriggling on your stomach through broken glass through Hell. We started this (at least I did) with the intention of it being amicable. Let's just say things have not worked out that way. I literally cannot imagine anything I could have done to be more accomidating. I gave my wife over $80,000 dollars that I wasn't legally required to give her. But I thought it would have been wrong not to give it to her. My viewpoint has changed a bit. I took very few things out of the house, wanting to disrupt my kids lives as little as humanly possible. My apartment has my computer, a TV (I did get the HD television as I was the only one who watched it), a bed and a couple of chairs. Quite a change from my 3,500 square foot house that my wife now occupies in my absence. She got a huge promotion at her work 3 days after I left so she's making almost $90,000 annual now. I lost my business to Hurricane Katrina. I held on as long as I could, but the clients just weren't there anymore. I now work a terrible job in IT at a local hospital. The pay is average, but it is very hard on me physically. Did I forget to mention that I've had 2 spinal surgeries in the last 20 months? And 1 car accident that resulted in the second surgery? So my finances and health are in the toilet. If I hurt my back at work, which is a definite possibility, then I'm really in a bad spot. I know I forgot to mention that my wife spends money like a drunken sailor. I just found out she wiped out all our 401k and other investments. Can't wait to get that tax bill! Almost 20 years of saving and living at less than maximum comfort wiped out in less than 2 months. And there's not a bloody thing I can do about it. It's one of those things I didn't think she would stoop that low for. I'm guessing now there isn't anything she would stoop low enough for. Now, for the first time since I was about 20, I'm living paycheck to paycheck and the paychecks are pretty small. After all the bills are paid, I've got about $100 left over. If I was 25, no big deal. You just start over. But I'm 45 with the worst back in recorded history. And I may need knee surgery as well. I'll find out on the 13th when I go see my orthapedic surgeon. I've forgotten what it's like to essentially be broke. I wanted to play Marvel: Ultimate Alliance on my 360, but couldn't afford it. Everyone has things they want but can't afford, but I've never before not been able to scrape up $60 for a game. Oh well, at least my kids love me.
Oh wait, they hate me this week. Sigh, teenagers...
But with all that, I'm not thinking of any of it today. I'm thinking of Kristin and Paul and wondering how they are doing. Kristin's mother had surgery for a brain aneurysm this past week. Parents are those people we cling to when we're 0-10, push away 11-25 and then cling to again the rest of the time. Now I've never met Kristin or Paul in person. And for me the word "friend" is a very strong word. I have lots of people that I am friendly with, but few friends. I count Kristin as a friend. I'm sure if I lived closer, there is little I wouldn't do for her. When you talk to Kristin, you just know that you're talking to a decent person. She has been very sympathetic during my seperation and upcoming divorce. She's actually been one of the few. Most just assume I had an affair with an 18-year old and I'm a jerk. Kristin never assumed (and for the record, I've never been unfaithful at any level, even during high school!). And now Kristin is going through one of the worst things you can go through, a gravely ill parent. And I'm wishing there was something more I could do for her and Paul. I know the fear and pain have to be almost unbearable. I just wish I could bear some of that for them for a little while.
So anyone that reads this, send up a quick prayer for Kristin and her family. These are tough days for them right now. Let's all pray for a quick and total recovery so the days can be a bit easier and Kristin can go back to hating everyone when she goes shopping. If you don't get that, go here:
http://kristin.joeuser.com/
God bless!